| The Silenced Emotions of a Boy Named Chris' Journal |
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The Silenced Emotions of a Boy Named Chris
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[28 Feb 2003|04:50pm] |
For those of you that didn't ad me:
dreamlessdays
as a friend can you please do so...
*yawns* *falls to sleep*
Melissa, Colin, Land, you know who you are, Chelsea...
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[27 Feb 2003|04:44pm] |
I have a new journal.... that is friends only...
dreamlessdays
If you would like to be a friend add me and I'll add you back...
See ya there...
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| Bored |
[15 Feb 2003|07:58pm] |
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"The confusion in my soul" |
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*yawns* Today was very tireing... I didn't do much yet I don't know why I can't seem to keep my eyes open... or yet why I want to stay wake so badly... Anyways... Today I woke at like 11 o'clock and ate my breakfast.. started on my laundry... and then watched "Resident Evil" and "Jeepers Creepers"... both pretty okay movies.. i happen to love "Resident Evil" though.
The I waited for Melanie to get off of work and then went to my mom's house to help my sister pack then we brought her back over here to wash some more clothes before she leaves for Ohio tomorrow night...
I cut two of my fingers today... pretty deep cuts and they didn't hurt... I didn't notice them until I saw the blood dripping from my hand... How I cut them I have no clue...
Anyways now I have to go check on the laundry and will prolly read some more of my book... *bored so bored*...
I miss you Kelly.... Aiden... Mindie... Melissa *winks* Melissa was my unofficial valentine...
Sorry this entry wasn't as interesting as all my other's but well I haven't been feeling much of anything lately... *shrugs* not happy, sad, depressed, ecstatic, ect. dunno how I feel and well I actually don't really care...
Is that bad..?
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[12 Feb 2003|06:21pm] |
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Stir of Echoes is a great movie... Even though it wasn't as scary as Aiden made it out to be... *rolls eyes*... But yeah it was great....
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| news |
[12 Feb 2003|04:51pm] |
For those of you who don't know yet... I have a new AIM screen name... which maches my new e-mail address....
dreamlessdays
dreamlessdays@yahoo.com
~muah... hope to speak to you soon....
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[10 Feb 2003|04:46pm] |
Mr. Leonard died today... My mom's boyfriend who so happens to be related to him just got a call from his mother about the bad news... *shakes head* He died from CANCER....
*sighs* it seems to be affecting every one these days...
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[09 Feb 2003|04:55pm] |
Jewel
Sometimes It Be That Way
Night with its shattered teeth
Attempts to speak
My pen is present but
Courage left via the sink
And I'm sorry
I snuck up on you
From behind
I'm sorry not all
My love letters did rhyme
And I'm sorry that
Jesus died for my sins
And I swear to God
It won't happen again
And I'm sorry
If it was my swerve that
Tempted you to sway
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
And Romeo was
A very nice man
He said
"Jewel, I don't think
You quite understand"
And I'm sorry if you had
To explain it like this
I'm sorry I was a point
You were destined to miss
And I'm sorry
I spoke to you irreverently
Down in the hollow
By the old olive tree
And I'm sorry
If my heart breaking
Ruined your day
Oh well
Sometimes It be that way
I said
"Oh well, I got nothing
Left to sell
This love was a bell that
Rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out
That you didn't care
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
And Aphrodite with
Her neon lamp
Kissed Neptune
They put her face
On a stamp
And I'm sorry
I used it to mail
A letter to you
I'm sorry I'm glue and
The rest bounces off of you
And I'm sorry not even
This jet's metal wings
Could get across
These simple things
And I'm sorry
If I ever sang
Your name in vain
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
And Goldilocks
Well she knew three bears
They all ate oatmeal
And tiptoed upstairs
And I'm sorry
I never got to
Find you like this
Sleeping like a baby
And swaddled in bliss
And I'm sorry for
All the times
I forgot to imply something
In between the lines
And I'm sorry
If my heart breaking
Ruined your day
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
I said
"Oh well, I got nothing
Left to sell
This love was a bell that
Rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out
That you didn't care
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
And shadow's long fingers
They dance on the wall
Electricity chases
Its tail in the hall
And I'm sorry
If my arms to you
Were just empty rooms
I'm sorry
I never could comfort you
And I'm sorry
St. Petersburg is
A miserable town
And I'm sorry
If I am bringing you down
And I'm sorry
If I caused you pain
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
And flame licks the air
With its silver tongue
Night has many hands
But I have just one
And I'm sorry
I walked in on you
Unexpectedly
I'm sorry
I never served you
Camomile tea
And I'm sorry
I didn't always have a match
That could start
A fire big enough
For your heart to catch
And I'm sorry
If it was my swerve that
Tempted you to sway
Oh well
Sometimes it be that way
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[09 Feb 2003|04:28pm] |
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me
I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been
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| And Tomorrow |
[06 Feb 2003|09:21pm] |
Today is filled with anger,
fueled with hidden hate.
Scared of being outkast,
afraid of common fate.
Today is build on tragedies
which no one want's to face.
Nightmares to humanity and morally disgraced.
Tonight is filled with Rage, violence in the air.
Children bred with ruthlessness cause no one at home cares.
Tonight I lay my head down
but the pressure never stops,
knowing that my sanity content when I'm droped.
But tomorrow I see change, a chance to build a new,
build on spirit intent of heart and ideas based on truth.
Tomorrow I wake with second wind
and strong because of pride.
I know I fought with all my heart to keep the dream alive.
~ Tupac Shakur ~
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[05 Feb 2003|06:35pm] |
I'm now changing my name to.... Jadon... Chris is too common of a name and I hate it when I'm walking down the halls and people start to scream "hey Chris!" making me turn around only to see some five other people turn around and none of them be the boy the person wa screaming for... *shakes head* so for now on call me Jadon please...
*sighs* Kelly... you'll be locked in my heart shaped box for all eternity, and then whatever comes after that...
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| Riddle of the day |
[23 Jan 2003|05:14pm] |
Dies half its life, lives the rest.
Dances without music, breathes without breath.
What is it?
Answer to yesterday's riddle...
What falls but never breaks...
What breaks but never falls...
Night Fall
Break of Dawn
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[22 Jan 2003|06:43pm] |
What falls but never breaks?
What breaks but never falls?
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| To Realize |
[21 Jan 2003|05:03pm] |
To realize
the value of ten years:
Ask a newly
divorced couple.
To realize
the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
the value of one year:
Ask a student who
has failed a final exam.
To realize
the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
the value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
a premature baby.
To realize
the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize
the value of one minute:
Ask a person
who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
the value of one-second:
Ask a person
who has survived an accident.
To realize
the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person
who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone
special.
To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.
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| Lyrics or part of songs that I like |
[18 Jan 2003|01:19am] |
"And every time I drift away
I lose myself in you
And now I see I can be me
In everything I do"
"You Set Me Free"
Can't you see?
There's a feeling that's come over me
Close my eyes
You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless
No need to wonder why
Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny
'Cause I wanted to fly,
so you gave me your wings
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah
And you set me free
There's a will
There's a way
Sometimes words just can't explain
This is real
I'm afraid
I guess this time there's just no hiding, fighting
You make me restless
You're in my heart
The only light that shines
there in the dark
'Cause I wanted to fly,
so you gave me your wings
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah
And you set me free
When I was alone
You came around
When I was down
You pulled me through
And there's nothing that
I wouldn't do for you
'Cause I wanted to fly,
so you gave me your wings
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah
And you set me free
-Michelle Branch
Surrounded by familiar faces without names
None of them know me or want to share my pain
And they only wish to bask in my light, then fade
away
To win my love, to them a game
To watch me live my life in pain
When all is done and the glitter fades, fades
away
They'll get their's eventually
And I hope I'm there
-Pink
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[10 Jan 2003|10:17pm] |
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Great, as long as I have Jess |
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"Stole" Kelly Rowland |
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Oh my gosh I so very love you (Jess).... I dunno love seems so meaningless for the feelings I have for you... you're more than a sister to me... if we weren't two different people I would swear up and down that you and I were one.... *sighs* I love you and I really need you right now... my mom having cancer is so much of a shock to me and it's like I don't know what to do...I don't think I can do anyhting... But I'll be all right as long as I have your shoulder to lean on... your hand to hold...
Cancer.... what can I do....? Life is hard, but A life without pain and heartache is a life not lived...
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| Update On The Recent Occurenses of My Life |
[29 Dec 2002|09:31pm] |
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"Misunderstood" Pink |
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The other day, Christmas Eve, I walked into my aunts house and realized thatv my father was sitting there in a chair accross the room staring up into the face of the son that he could never appreciate. He sat there and didn't move a muscle as I walked into the room and then as I turned to walk back out I saw him... I saw my step-mother and there laying in her arms wa the baby I yearned to see since I got the news on November !st of his birth... my new little half-brother... AJ...
I wanted to walk out of the house so bad and then leave to go back home where I knew everything would be okay but then I didn't want to leave without getting a chance to holsd him... I stood there for awhile not knowing what to do and then just continued to follow my cousin into the house... I wishpered in her ear that I wanted to leave and she wishpered back, "I'll go over with you"
So we did... we walked back over to the hefty lady I call my step-mother adn asked politly if I could hold my baby brother... after making a huge somehting out of nothing about how I walked into the house not saying anything to her and my father... but then I held my tongue as I wanted to tell her that they are the adults in the situation and that I am only the child and that last I spoke to my father he wanted nothing to do with me... but instead I kept the smile plastered on my face and held my brother...
I felt so ....I don't know how to explain it but there was an emotion of some sort there... I love him... he stared into my eyes and I wanted to be there for him forever.. but I know I can't so I'll stop dreaming... Hopefully one day he'll grow up and learn how much of a jerk his father really is and find the cool brother he will always have...
*sighs*
Just a little update instead of these little poems I post...
.....................................Always and Forever
..........................Christopher Allen
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[24 Dec 2002|06:05pm] |
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"Rinse" Vanessa Carlton |
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I miss you
And yet I don’t even know you
I saw you walk in front of me
I saw you laugh and smile
I wished with all my heart
Your smiles could be for me
I wished with all I have
That your laughter could remain
To see you cry
To see you hurt
Would kill my soul
Destroy my will
I don’t even know you
Yet I miss you every moment I live
I want you to hold me
To whisper softly in my ear
And tell me everything
I wish I could tell you right now
I saw you walk in front of me
I saw you jump up and down
Your happiness was contagious
And your eyes shown with all their glory
I whished I could have saw myself in them
Saw myself holding you in your beautiful eyes
But I don’t even know your name
And the time continues to pass
Leaving you further behind
Leaving you in that mall
Where I last saw you
In that mall where you’ll forever be in my memory
I miss you
And there’s nothing I can do
You gently brushed my shoulder
As I passed you by
You gently turned towards me
And smiled as you said hello
In wanted to tell you how much you meant to me
I wanted to tell you how much I’m falling for you
But it’s too late
I’ll never see you again
I’ll never be able to say hello
Cause while we brushed pass each other
All I was able to do
Was stare you in the eye
And continue on my way
Leaving your smiling face the last thing I wished to see
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| A poem I wrote for no apparent reason |
[23 Dec 2002|11:51am] |
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"Stole" Kelly Rowland |
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Something’s wrong
I don’t know what
Something’s burning inside
It hurts too much
I want to cry
I don’t think I can
The well is dry
And the fire’s spread
Help me some one
If you can hear my cries
Help me please
Maybe you can see inside
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
But I know there’s something
No one really cares about me
I’m pretty sure of that
I walked down the street
Down the road
And as I jumped into traffic
No one said a word
No screeches came from the car that hit me
No screams came from those around
My body lay there as my blood surrounded
And not one person noticed
They kept on walking
Leaving red footprints with what their hearts ignored
Trampling all over what their life’s become
A dense sense of hate
A purposeless mass
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